Bobby's Blog...<br>        " Process Poetic " <$BlogRSDUrl$>

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Wednesday, August 27, 2003


          My soul is gray

          my id black

          loathe am I

          that which can not take back

          An errant word

          a withheld kiss

          an unkind deed

          my mind shunning bliss

          Grace un-given

          shadow falls

          heart wrenched slowly

          'til life ends all

          : Bobby Nichols 8/27/2003

Not my best day; tired, tortured, and grave. I feel like my poem... short, cutting, and pained... agony... lost. I had maybe five hours of broken sleep - forgot to put the O2 on while running the Sleep apnia box... awakened early. Gail already awake with less sleep than I. She had another chiropractic appointment to keep at 9 a.m. PDT. I, stayed home.

Her practitioner took her BP... 176/112... worse than yestermorn. We picked up David ( 6 ) from school and went to our caregiver here on the hill for Gail to get a precautionary check-up. Her BP now down to 145/75, then 135/71. Prognosis... guarded; heart seemingly strong... cut down on the stress ( yeah - right ! ), eat healthier ( doubtful ), get exercise ( never happen ), and maybe write in a journal to excise any raw emotions ( not likely ). The BP's, though high, are spiky enough ( evidently not sustained ) to warrant caution only. A return appointment for next week and a few pain pills to try is prescribed.

We picked up Ashley ( 2 ) from daycare and thought to treat the grandkids to a ride on the children's train at the park in Georgetown... arriving shortly after they had closed for the day. Played in the park after a snack on the swings and the slide and the trees and grass... a warm summer day... and drove home.

I lost it ! David's teasing of Ashley and indifferent insolence and yelling and screamimg... actually no different than any other day... I lost it ! In the short time it took to drive home I was determined to teach David a lesson. I was gruff, rough, and thoroughly self rightious... and wrong. DAMN ME !

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